According to one study of discordant couples (where one partner had genital herpes and the other did not), there was a significant delay in transmission when the positive partner disclosed his or her infection. This may be the point where you discover your partner has herpes too, and has been waiting for the moment to tell you. Your attitude will also have a lot of influence on how the news is received. While there’s no specific timeline that dictates the best time to talk about herpes with a new partner, the discussion should ideally occur before any sexual activity has taken place. When you think about it, this shouldn’t be surprising sharing any kind of personal details about yourself for the first time can be awkward or difficult, particularly in a new relationship. For this reason, some may only seek out partners who also have genital herpes, perhaps through a local support or social group, or through an online forum or dating site (see Charles Ebel’s opinion piece for a discussion of online dating services), so the issue becomes moot. Not telling can lead to an increased risk of infection for your partner, and possible spread to others (if the two of you break up and become involved with other people). In the future, it would be wise to bring the subject up with a new partner well before you become sexually intimate. Scrotum condoms to prevent genital wart transmission?
He asked me about STDs the day after we met and I told him I was clean. My mom and sister and I few of my friends have type one herpes and I know a hand full of people with genital herpes. There isn’t really a right time to tell someone you have herpes. Is it fair of me to ask someone to accept getting this by becoming involved with me? There are those who think we should only date others like us (yes, there are sites for that), but isn’t that making us into modern-day lepers? Also, of the one in four to five people who have this, only about 90 percent actually realize it. Once, just to get practice, I told someone I’d just met (this, immediately after I asked him the question, What would prevent you from sleeping with someone? and he related the tale of a girl he’d been courting online who on their first date told him rather sheepishly that she had herpes.